Patient Listening

Reading through Ken Sande's the Peacemaker, I was exhorted about the value of waiting being a part of our listening in caring for others. As an application of James 1:19, I pray these instructions provide you with the same helpful and fruitful exhortation they provided me. It focuses on this idea of waiting as we listen, something we often aren't very good at, but if we can learn patience in this department, it will prove quiet fruitful.

"To improve your waiting ability, focus on four commom problems:

1. Try not to jump to premature conclusions. Even if you think you know where the other person is going with words, don't allow yourself to arrive there before he or she does. If you do, you may miss much of what is being said and read into words intentions that are not actually there.
2. Discipline yourself not to interrupt others while they are speaking. This is a basic application of Jesus' teaching to treat others as you want them to treat you. Even when someone says something you strongly disagree with, restrain yourself and keep listening until the other person has fully expressed his or her position. [This was sadly a problem for me earlier in marriage until a friend brought it to my attention. I am grateful for that insight today]
3. Learn to be comfortable with silence. If the other person pauses for a moment to think, resist the temptation to immediately fill the void with your words. Give the other person a while to resume, and if you have any doubt as to whether it's appropriate for you to speak, say something like, 'May I respond to that, or would you like to say something more?'
4. Do not offer solutions to every problem others bring to you. I learned this lesson the hard way. Sometimes Corlette would pour out her frustrations or concerns to me, and before she was finished I was telling her how to solve her problems. Afterward, I couldn't understand why she wasn't more grateful for all the 'help' I have her. It took me a while to realize that she often already knew the solution to a particular problem - what she wasnted most from me was understanding, compassion and tenderness ." [150-151]

I am mindful that in pride I use my one mouth a lot more than my two ears and through these insights can see how I can use the ears God has given me as more of a blessing in listening to others more patiently that I might care for them more effectively.